I love you Sarah!
by mic
Summary: Harm is ready to tell Mac his feelings, only she is not ready to hear them. This go on until Harm cant stand it any longer.


Spoilers: The entire thing! If you don't want to know what has happened   
don't read another word. This tells all up to the Jag-a-thon episode in session 7.   
Read at your own risk.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing!!  
  
Lets catch you up to this point in time. We are in the 7th  
season now, up to the Jagathon episode.   
  
Last season in "Lifeline" Mac and Harm were at Mac's engagement party at  
Adm. Chegwidden's house and they managed to slip away to the porch to be  
alone and reminisce about there past together.   
  
Mac starts to bare her feelings a little when she brings up the topic of their discussion on the  
ferry in the Boomerang episode at the end of season 5. She ask him why he  
pulled away with a tone in her voice that lets Harm know he has hurt her.  
  
Just as he turns to her with this look that says "I am sorry Mac" Renee  
shows up to Harms relief and they all retreat back into the party, only to  
have Harm all but chase Mac back out onto the porch with the faint hope that  
something is wrong with her, maybe her and Brumby had a fight. No she only  
forgot her purse, but she is glad to have Harm follow her back out she wants  
an answer to her question and of course he dances all around it.   
  
They continue to reminisce about everything from the first time they met, their  
first kiss(kind of theirs anywise), to the promise they made when Bud and  
Harriet had their baby, about them having a child someday.   
  
Then Harm ask the question that has been haunting him all season.   
He ask Mac if she loves Brumby, surprised at the question   
her only answer is "That's not a question you get to ask" and she turns to go   
back inside only she forgot her purse and when Harm reached it to her their fingers   
touch and that alone is enough to steel his breath and there is no hiding the emotions   
that touch brought about.   
  
He convinces Mac to stay and talk and they continue to reminisce all  
the while emotions building inside of Harm.   
  
Mac makes the statement "I wish you would like him" meaning Mic,   
and Harm insist that he does and always has. Then reveals an ugly conversation  
that he Brumby and he had when Mac was charged with murdering her husband,   
were Brumby makes the comment that Harm, Adm. Chegwidden, and Bud are   
all in love with Mac. and couldn't be objective in the case.   
  
Mac insist that Brumby had to say that because he was defending his client.   
  
Harm tells her that he was right in a soft voice.  
  
Mac automatically on guard retorts "about me being guilty"   
  
Harm very soft and shyly replied "No. About some people being in love with you"   
  
Macs breath flees her body. Harm realizing what he as just said makes somewhat  
of a dash for the door back inside only to have Mac regain her bearings and  
ask him what he had just said. Harm in the way that only he can avoids  
answering the question outright and turns the attention on her.   
  
This goes back and forth until Harm let down his defenses just a little and ask Mac  
why she went to Burmby so fast, the hurt all to evident in his voice and all  
over his face.   
  
Macs only response was "You pushed me away what was I supposed to do?   
  
Harm: "Wait"   
  
Mac:"For how long?"   
  
Harm:"As long as it takes"  
  
Mac feeling what she may have lost out on shed a tear only to have Harm  
softly wipe it away and Tiner interrupts this moment, the one moment that  
they are closer than they have ever been, to announce that they are needed  
back inside. Harm discretely sends him back inside leaving them to say  
goodbye.   
  
Harm tells Mac that she has someone that will always love her, not  
sure if he is meaning Burmby or himself   
  
Mac replies "and you have someone who loves you" and she reaches up   
to give him a feather kiss goodbye.   
  
But this is too much for Harm, his emotions are raw, she is this  
close, he feels her lips graze his and he breathes her in only to realize  
that he doesn't want to let it go, no he cant let her go, his lips chase  
hers back hungrily, and when they catch hers his emotions rock through his  
body, he raps his arms around her and scoops her up to him, not able to get  
her close enough, not able to feel her warmth enough, he kisses her the way  
he has dreamed about kissing her for so long, a kiss that bared his soul  
with all the passion that he posses, only to have her return the same  
desire. But then he stops, what was he doing, he couldn't do this and for  
so many reasons. He was ashamed that he couldn't control himself but not  
sorry and he wasn't about to say that he was, and this discomfort shown all  
over his body, in his tension, his face, his eyes, oh his eyes.   
  
Mac just gave him this look, pleading with him to just say it, just let it all go,  
but the moment passed and there was nothing but uncomfortable silence and it  
was gone.  
  
In the season finally, Adrift I, when Harm tells Mac that he wont be able to  
make her rehercile dinner she is angry, not so much because he might miss  
the wedding but because he might not be there to stop her from getting  
married, even though she is not willing to admit that aloud, a heart doesn't  
lie. Then when they discover that Harms plane has gone down on his way back  
to make the wedding, Mac's feelings surface and Mic can't deny them even  
though he is not willing to confront them just yet.  
  
At the start of season 7 in Adrift II, while everyone is looking for Harm,  
Mic and Renee are outcast of the "JAG" family. Mac can't deal with Mic when  
she is so concerned about Harm, even after he is found, thanks to Mac's  
connection with him, Mac still cant bring herself to face the wedding, most  
likely because Harm is still to weak to stop her.   
  
As she tries to bide her time she pushes Mic further and further away and then finally it is all to  
obvious to him what he has to do.   
  
Mac come home to find Mic packing his things.   
  
He tells her that he needs time to think and he leaves.   
  
Mac runs to the first person she can think of, the only person she can think of,  
Harm. She knocks on his door and after he answers she is afraid to tell him  
and says that it was a mistake for her to come and turns to go.   
  
Harm stops her and pleads with her to tell him what is wrong and she does. He feeling  
that this is his opportunity to tell her and opens the door with "Mic never  
could get over us, but then who could blame him when we never got over us"  
  
Mac just looks at him then the phone rings, its Mic and knowing that Mac is  
there is all he needed to know. He knows what he has to do, so he tells Mac  
goodbye forever.   
  
Mac races for the airport and finds Mic and begged him to just talk to her,   
but all he does is gives her a look, a look of pure truth, that says it all,  
all that she is not ready to accept just yet. It says "I love you with all that I am, but   
you love him, and that's just not good enough."   
  
Mac, upset and confused, calls the one person she needs, Harm, and  
tells him that Mic left and wouldn't even speak to her.   
  
Harm feeling his chance tells her to come over, she declines. Then in the most sincere and  
desperate voice says"Come to me".   
  
Mac replies"I don't know, Why?"   
  
Harm, in the same voice replies "You know why" then there was silence.   
  
Harm "Mac?"  
  
Mac"yes" Harm"I'll be waiting".   
  
Mac's heart races, this was it, no more games, they have reached the point that   
she have been waiting on for so long. She knocks on Harms door, tears still partially   
falling, he answers with this deep look of sorrow and she wonders why he doesn't invite her in.  
  
Then he moves the door a little so to reveal what is lying on his couch and  
puts words to explain it "I am sorry Mac, Renee's dad died. We will talk  
later though,I promise"   
  
She turns to go, her heart pounding, heart breaking  
even more, so much more, the realization of the situation strikes with pin  
point accuracy. Harm wasn't hers . When she gets to her car she turns and  
looks up to Harms apt. to see him holding Renee and the sight is more than  
she can bare. He should be holding her!, her heart screams. But then it  
dawned on her that Harm had 2 choices and he choose Renee. All she can  
think, all she can feel is I have to get out of here, I cant look at him, he  
cant look at me! I have to get out of here! and she does she land herself a  
temp station in the middle of the Indian Ocean.  
  
Mac avoids communication with Harm even though he has tried to reach her  
until she picks up the CB to find him on the other end. She can sense the  
feeling of sorrow and hurt in his voice as he tries to figure out why she  
hadn't returned any calls or emails and just what on earth she was doing so  
far away, then he hits the nail on the head when he ask her if she was  
trying to avoid him and she quickly cuts the conversation short without  
answering him.   
  
But being determined as Harm is he can't let it go at that.  
So to Mac's surprise Harm lands a position abroad ship as Mac's opposing  
counsel. She tries at all cost to avoid talking to him and he can see all  
to clear that his presence here does not agree with her. He finds her in  
her cabin working on the case. She invites him in.   
  
He is as cocky and full of himself as always, so proud of what he is now ready to tell her if she  
would only ask for it. He proceeds to tell her that he requested this  
assignment so that he could see her and that he knew that she was upset with  
him but he wanted to talk.   
  
She asks him talk about what,   
  
he pauses a little afraid to say her demeanor is hostile, then he forces out a weak "about us"  
  
She retorts "That's why I left Harm. There is no us, there is you and Renee.  
What would you give up for me? Mic gave up his country, his career, Would  
you give up your girlfriend?"   
  
A fearful defensive "What are you testing me?" comes from Harm.   
  
Mac snaps "Answer the question, would you?"   
  
Harm as nervous as he has ever been ask "so what if I did"   
  
Mac not giving an inch "Just answer the question"   
  
Harm scared to go out on that limb alone returns with "So long as you answer mine"   
  
Mac full of anger and exhaustion over this matter states harshly "I am so sick of this dance" and walks past Harm.   
  
He keeps his back to her and struggles for a few seconds with what he is about  
to say and then lets it out "Yes I would. I would give her up" and he turns  
to face Mac and see her reaction, he wants to tell her so much, but she's  
not there. He desperately calls her name and runs though the ship calling  
after her, but when he finds her, his eyes desperate, her eyes yelling "Not  
now", he sees Gunny standing next to her.   
  
Gunny now feeling the tension in the air and knowing that, by the look on Harms face he is the last person  
wanted there and if Harm could he would disintegrate him right there on the  
spot.   
  
They all talk about the case that they have been working on and Mac  
turns to go.   
  
Harm calls after her, his voice pleading "We haven't finished talking yet"   
  
Mac looks at him sadness and anger in her voice "What makes you  
think that we ever will?" and with that she turns to go.   
  
All the while Gunny knowing that he just stepped into the middle of something and after  
hearing Mac's comment to Harm all he can think is "Ouch" and feel a little  
sorry for the guy.   
  
The day moves on and Mac's is obvious about not wanting  
to be around Harm but them the bump into each other rounding a corner she is  
friendly but annoyed. Harm so embarrassed about what he has reviled to her  
only to be shot down,jokes about doing a header off of the bow ,   
  
Mac feeling his discomfort tries to smooth things over by allowing small idle  
conversation about the case. The discussion escalaids to the question of  
why take a risk if you don't know what the outcome is going to be? Mac  
turns to go, but before she does she says, not talking about the case any  
longer "I don't know that's what you have to find out?"   
  
Catching this automatically, as she is walking away Harm calls "What makes you think that  
I wont!"   
  
She stops and turn to look at him, a half smile across her face and  
her eyes letting him know that she hopes that he does find out. Then she  
turns back around and leaves. Now my story starts.  
  
Harm is now back at home, while Mac is still half way around the world.  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Harm's apt. 0300  
  
Harm is laying in bed going over the events that have taken place over the  
past few weeks, trying to make sense of it but he just keeps tripping over  
the same questions? "Why is she so upset with him? Should he tell her what  
he feels, is she ready? Does she even care? Is their friendship as they knew it over?   
What does she want?" " She should know how he feels about her, especially after   
that kiss" then he allows himself to be lost in the memory of that kiss. Nothing has  
every felt as right as that kiss, no girl has ever made him feel the way that she did.  
  
That brings him to Renee. What was he going to do about her. He cared  
about her but he knew that the relationship had outlived its purpose. The  
only reason that they have lasted as long as they have is because Mac  
accepted Brumby's ring. He couldn't face them alone. As long as he had Renee   
he didn't have to He didn't have to face that Mac had moved on and  
found someone else to love and be loved by, and he was alone, and no, he  
would never give Bugme the chance to rub it in his face that he held Mac  
each night while He, Harmon Rabb Jr., fighter pilot, held none. Not that  
Bugme didn't rub the fact that he held Mac,in his face every time he saw  
him. It was just easier to deal with with someone else there beside him,  
someone else to hold. He rubs his face in frustration as the thought "What  
does she want!" runs through his brain.   
  
Just then the alarm clock sounds and he lays there for a minute the music filling the once silent air.   
  
  
His thoughts slowly mingled in with the words of the song, then as if this  
song or at least one line of it was a sign sent straight to him,"....I want it all,   
or nothing at alll" and he began to understand her, and he  
began to realize how many times he has hurt her, how many times she has  
reached out to him only to be denied, and for that his heart ached. How  
could he have been so blind, so stupid, so scared. As he laid there he  
realized that he was mostly scared. He was afraid that if he did let his  
emotions out and she denied him it would be more than his heart, no his soul  
could bare. Once he does knock that wall down, there is no going back and  
he has to have her near him, even if it is only as a friend, at least that  
is what he thought, just a friend, that's not enough for her and he is  
realizing that its not enough for him either.  
  
He raises up and shuts off the alarm and attempts to forget all these  
feelings, at least for now. He gets ready for work, not able to help but  
think of her, then as he reaches for his keys he notices that they are  
laying next to a picture of the two of them at last years JAG baseball game.  
He picks up the picture and traces her face with his finger before setting  
it back down and heading out the door.  
  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
JAG Headquarters 0930  
  
Harm walks into the bullpen and greets all of the activity with a smile, but  
then he notices that no one is smiling back. He looks at Bud for some type  
of explanation but all he get is a deep look of sorry and fear. He  
continues to look around and finds the Adm. staring straight at him and he  
rushes in his direction.  
  
"What's going on Sir?" Harm ask.  
  
The Adm. gives Harm a look as to say brace yourself son, and then begins  
"Mac was escorting a Marine accused of rape to the Indonesian Consulate when  
a group of angry civilians took siege of the place"  
  
Harm's heart drops, he can feel his legs wanting to give, but he holds it  
together long enough to ask "Is she alight? Where is she exactly? Do they  
have her? Sir?"  
  
Adm. Cegwidden just looks at him, seeing all the pain in the young mans  
face, wishing that he had something to help but all he can say it "That's  
all we know for now. Webb is checking into it. He will call as soon as he  
has news"  
  
"Sir?" Harm replies so desperately searching for something more.  
  
"I am sorry Commander." The Adm. says as he places a hand on Harms shoulder  
and then turns to walk into his office  
  
Harm turns to watch the T.V. above him, CNN blasting the story, live  
footage. Harms head spins "I cant loose her! Not now!" He storms to the  
Adm. office and knocks on the door. He hears an "Enter" and he marches on  
in.  
  
"Commander?" Adm. questions  
  
"Sir, I would like to request some leave." Harm states  
  
"Commander there is nothing that you can do! Just wait for Webb you need  
more information. You don't know where in the hell she is or if she is even  
still ...! You will get yourself killed!" The Adm. says voice full of  
anger, but not at Harm , he cares deeply for Mac to.  
  
"Sir, that's my decision to make!" Harm almost shouts back.  
  
"Well your leave is my decision. Request denied." The Adm. wanted to help  
as much as Harm did but right now it just wasn't smart.  
  
"Aye, Sir" Harm says and he turns and heads out the door. He is back in his  
office in seconds. He through his cover and brief case in a chair then  
sticks his head out his door and yells for Bud. Bud rushes to his friend.  
  
"Bud come in and close the door" Harm demands. "I need you to find me the  
next commercial flight to Indonesia. I need a hotel room and car for when I  
get there. I need maps of the area around the consulate. I need blueprints  
of the consulate and surrounding buildings. Here is my credit card Bud and  
don't mention this to anyone!"  
  
"But Sir? Did you ask the Adm.?" Bud looks so concerned  
  
"I am doing this on my own Bud, I owe her at least that much" Harm says as  
he looks at the junior officer and he can see in his eyes that he is scared  
for him, but he does understand.  
  
"Aye, sir." Bud says and he stares at his friend for a moment, he can see  
that he is terrified of loosing the one thing in his life that he truly  
loves, he knows because all he can think is if it were Harriet he would be  
doing the same thing. He quickly turns and exits the office.  
  
Harm fumbles with his computer for a little while getting all of the  
information on the situation that he can while he waits on Bud to come back  
with the arrangements. He shuts off the computer and picks up the phone,  
his hands are shacking so badly that he can hardly dial the number. He  
hears her voice on the other end then "Hello mom, its me Harm"  
  
"Son what's wrong?" Trish says with the utmost of concern  
  
"Nothing mom, I just wanted to tell you that I love you and thank you for  
giving me such a wonderful childhood"  
  
"Harm? Your scaring me.Is everything OK?" Trish's voice scared but demanding  
  
"Mom I am fine I just wanted to tell you that. I have to go. See you soon"  
and he hangs up the phone takes in a deep breath and forces it out. He  
bends down and jerks open the bottom draw to his desk, grabs the pistol,  
checks the ammo, stands up and shoves the gun down the back of his pants  
before he puts on his jacket. He heads out into the bullpen and almost runs  
over Bud. "Do you have what I asked you get?"  
  
"Yes Sir, here it is you leave in 2 hours." Bud said He wanted to say more,  
but what could he say, nothing would stop him from saving the love of his  
life, just as nothing would stop Harm from saving the love of his.  
  
Harm grabs the small stack of papers and rushes the elevator. The Adm.  
comes out of his office just in time to see him leaving.  
  
Harm races back to his apartment to grab a few last things. His mind racing  
the entire way. "This is all my fault. If I would have just told her....She  
is over there because of me, because I didn't grab her in my arms the night  
Mic left and confess. Why didn't I just tell her? God, Sara, I am so  
sorry!" He flies up the stares, the elevator would take too long, when he  
reaches the top he fumbles for his keys only to find that his door is  
unlocked. Cautiously he opens the door to see Renee cooking in his kitchen.  
"I don't need this right now is all he can think"  
  
"Hay Sailor, your home early" she cheerfully says  
  
"I am sorry Renee, not now" he half barks at her.  
  
"What's wrong?" she asks  
  
"Mac is in Indonesia, and she is in trouble, and I have to go help her." he  
doesn't feel like explaining and he is rushing for his bedroom closet  
  
Renee just stands there for a moment speechless watching him. The terror of  
what might be is too evident in his eyes. She says the only thing that she  
can think "Do you love her Harm?"  
  
He turns and shoots her a look that says now is not the time for this, but  
her expression lets him know that she is not giving up without an answer.  
But he gives her none.  
  
"Harm, you don't have to answer, you just did. I should have know, just  
look around this place you have her pictures everywhere, but there is not  
one of me. I see the way that you look at her when you think that no one is  
looking. Its OK I knew there was something between you to when I got into  
this relationship, I was just hoping that when Mic married Mac you would  
need me then, but I guess that's not going to happen now."  
  
Harm interrupts "Renee, come on." He didn't know why he said it, everything  
that she was saying was true and he wanted it to end but still he didn't  
want to hurt her.  
  
"Harm you couldn't wait to get back here after my dad died, back to her.  
You couldn't stay there and help me through the hardest time in my life but  
without a second thought you will race around the world to protect her.  
Don't be sorry Harm, that's real love. I can't say that I don't wish it was  
aimed in my direction, but I can accept it. Good-bye Harm."  
  
He stops packing and just stares at her in amazement, how could she know all  
of this, how could she know and him just be finding out. She approaches him  
and gives him a soft kiss and turns to go. He can see the tears and pain in  
her eyes but all he can say, all he wants to say is "good-bye". He watches  
her until the door is closed then returns to packing his cloths. One last  
stop at the night stand for more ammo and another pistol and he runs for the  
door. He opens the door only to almost run into Adm. Cegwidden.  
  
"Commander?" The Adm. stated very firmly  
  
"Sir?" Harm replies  
  
"Just what do you think you are doing? Are you aware of the disciplinary  
action that you will receive for leaving your post unauthorized?" The Adm.  
states trying to intimidate the man standing infront of him..  
  
"Yes sir I am, but I have no choice. All I know Sir is that she has always  
been there for me and I am not about to back out on her now." Harm says  
trying to plea his case. All I can do is ask that you reconsider my request  
for leave, Sir"  
  
"And if I don't?" the Adm. questions  
  
"Sir, I honestly don't think your or anyone else is going to stop me right  
now, regardless of the consequences."  
  
"Leave denied! I have no intentions of loosing a good lawyer! Your not the  
only one who feels guilty about this Rabb. I let her go. But it is  
pointless chasing after something you know nothing about without a plan.  
Wait to hear from Webb, then we will figure something out."  
  
"You can wait sir, I cant, I am sorry." Then shoots right by the rather  
large man and within seconds he is in his suv and racing toward the airport.  
He grabs his bag before exiting his vehicle and rushes through the airport.  
His heart pounding, his mind racing, all of the "What ifs" racing through  
his head, this couldn't be happening, he just has to get to her, to hold  
her, nothing else in life matters but that. As he hands the woman his  
boarding ticket he notices his hand is shaking, he can feel his throat  
closing. Just then he hears a familiar voice behind him "Rabb!" he turns  
around, confused. "Webb? What are you..Adm..."  
  
Webb cuts him off "We found her Rabb! She's with us! She's safe!"  
  
Harms stomach dropped as a gulp of air forced its way out of his mouth, his  
eyes immediately filled with tears which he managed to hold back as he stood  
there in shock. He contained himself enough to ask "How did you know were  
to find me Webb?"  
  
Webb in his cocky little way said " I knew you and I figured you would be up  
to something like this." He walks over and pats Harm on the back "Come on lets get a drink"  
  
After a few minutes Harm looks at Adm. Chegwidden and says "Sir, about  
earlier"  
  
The Adm. cuts him off "1 week forfeiture of pay sound fair."  
  
Harm relieved replied "Yes sir"  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
  
3 days later at Mac's apt. 1600  
  
  
There is a knock at the door. She slowly gets up to answer it. "Harm. What  
are you doing here?"  
  
"What, do I have to have a reason to stop and see my best friend after she  
is almost killed?" He gives her a grin that only he can give.  
  
Mac smiles back and replies "No I guess you don't" she watches him, he's  
nervous, very nervous. He keeps twisting his hands and darting his eyes  
around the apt. He's biting his top lip, here it comes...  
  
Harm bites his top lip and gives her this puppy dog look before he starts,  
he remembers all too well, the pain and anger she had toward him during  
their last conversation about the topic he is about to approach, "Mac, I'm  
sorry..."  
  
Mac cuts him off "Harm I don't want to have this conversation, I am just not  
up to it right now. Alight?"  
  
"Are you ever going to be ready Mac?" Harm spits out  
  
"Harm I have wanted to talk to you about us plenty of times and you were  
never ready and now that you are you expect me just to jump at the chance!  
Everything doesn't revolve around you, I used to think that it did, but I am  
just tired of it all now. I had a man who loved me with everything he had  
and he walked away because of you. Because he thought that there was  
an us, but there isn't. You love Renee. So please just stop it and let me  
move on" Mac says with sheer exhaustion  
  
"Mac? Please." Is all Harm can muster to say  
  
"I am sorry Harm." Mac replies Just then the phone rings.  
  
Just before she answers it Harm says "I'll see you tonight." and heads for  
the door but before he's out he hears her "Mic!" he spins around their eyes  
lock. Harms eyes pleading for something, anything, but all Mac can do is  
look away and he just closes the door. His heart is really racing now.  
What the hell does he want!  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
2100 McGintys Bar  
  
The entire gang is already there when she walks into the bar. She is  
greeted by a chorus of "Welcome back Mama"s and "It's good to see you again  
Mac"s. She joins her friends at their table and orders a large Coke. She  
looks at Harm but he is just looking down at his beer. She knows that the  
call from Mic upset him. As the night wears on the tension between them  
lightens up and before they know they are left alone. Harm sees this as his   
opportunity to ask the question that has been eating at him all day,"So did you and Brumby   
work everything out? Is the wedding back on?"   
  
Mac hurt by the memories that will never be, softly replies "no"  
"I'm sorry Mac, I just thought that since..." Harm cut it off as the Admiral   
returned to the table. Mac just looked out into the crowd.   
  
The night wears on and Mac looks up to watch Harm dancing with Harriet,   
that charming smile on his face, she doesn't even notice that she is staring at   
him, but Adm. Cegwidden does and he cuts into her daydream. "Are you alight Mac?"  
  
"I will be Sir." she responds a little embarrassed. After a few seconds she  
looks back out on the dance floor for Harm and Harriet but Bud has taken  
Harms place, her eyes scan the room and spots Harm dropping some change into   
the jute box and making his selection. She watches as he walks straight toward her  
and extends his hand, "Would you care to dance?" She takes his hand and gives   
him a genuine smile, something he hasn't seen in quite a while. He leads her to   
the dance floor and places one hand on her waist.  
  
  
"Are you alight?" Harm asks  
  
He sounds so concerned, but that's not enough she reminds herself "I am  
doing fine"   
"Mac, I'm sorry..." Harm began only to be cut off  
"Harm don't" Mac began  
"Alright. But one day you will understand and everything will be alright." Then there   
was a long silence and they just listened and swayed to the music..then Harms selection   
began...  
  
...Would you run, and never look back  
Would you cry, if you saw me crying  
Would you save my soul tonight  
Would you tremble, if I touched your lips  
Would you laugh, oh please tell me this  
Now would you die, for the one you loved  
Hold me in your arms tonight  
  
As the song swirled around them Harm pulled her closer until his mouth was just   
above her ear. With her this close he could hardly control himself, his emotions were   
boiling so he released them the only way he could and he gently began to whisper the   
words of the song into her hair...  
  
I can be your hero, baby  
I can kiss away the pain  
I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away  
  
Would you swear that you will always be mine  
Would you lie, would you remain mine  
Am I in too deep  
Have I lost my mind  
I don't care, your here tonight  
  
He wanted to hold her more than anything right now. He missed her so much.   
He slides both hands down to her waist and pulls her even closer...  
  
I can be your hero, baby  
I can kiss away your pain  
I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away  
  
Oh, I just want to hold you  
I just want to hold you, oh yea  
Am I in too deep  
Have I lost my mind  
Well I don't care your here tonight  
  
I can be your hero, baby  
I can kiss away your pain  
I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away  
I can be your hero  
I can kiss away your pain  
  
He has never been so nervous, he can feel his hands wanting to shake,,,  
His heart starts to pound, he is certain she can hear it, feel it. He  
slowly pulls her even closer to him, she doesn't resist , he bends down and  
brushes his face against her hair then whispers in a desperate voice...  
"I don't ever want to lose you Sarah." He can feel her withhold her breath.   
His emotions are pulsating through him,   
so desperate for her to understand what he is trying to do.  
His eyes close and he tries to memorize the feel of her body against his,   
the curve of her back, the smell of her hair, the feel of her hands around him.   
The world around them is gone, for this moment in time it is only the two of them.  
Then as one final effort to communicate what he is feeling to her, he slowly pulls  
back just enough to look into her eyes and whisper the last few lines of the song...  
  
I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away  
You can take my breath away  
I can be your hero...  
  
She needs him so badly that she allows herself to get lost in him. It feels  
so good to have him holding her. She forgets for one moment  
that her life is where it is and believes that this is it, him and her,  
here, now. He pulls her closer, she can feel his breath in her hair, then 'Oh my God,   
he is singing, but not just singing, he is singing to her.' She can feel herself  
start to get tense and she starts to pull away, afraid of what is happening, only he stops  
her and pulls her even closer, he feels so good that she gives in. As she listens to   
his words she can feel the termoil of emotions going through her. 'Why is he doing this now  
why not then, what does he want, what does he mean???' She is so   
confused. Her thoughts are interupted by his soft whisper, "I don't ever want to lose you Sarah"  
She closes her eyes and just gives in to the moment. She can feel his face brush   
her hair, he is holding her so tight. She is truly lost now, not even a hint of the real world  
evident to her now.  
  
She opens her eyes to see Harm staring at her, his words so soft, his voice shaky. All she can   
do is look at him, she can feel the tears burning in her eyes, the lump in her chest. She just stands   
there, looking at him even after the music has stopped. Then suddenly she realizes that they are not   
dancing anymore, all of the confusion of the real world hits her, her heart wont allow her to believe that  
Harm would actually take that leap after all this time, after all of the chances that she has given him, no   
he is only playing with her again she tells herself, afraid of getting her hopes up only to get hurt, and the  
hurt and anger that she feels at that moment is almost more than she can bear, she looks around as she notices   
that there is no music and all eyes are on them. Instinctively she pulls back "I have to get out of here her head echos",   
then she puts it to words and tells Harm that "The music has stopped"  
  
"Ugh, yeah, um well thank you." he says as he looks around and notices the  
audience they have acquired.  
  
Mac rushes back to the table trying desperately to gather herself and politely says that she has an early flight  
and tells everyone goodnight."Yes you do." Is her only response from Adm. Chegwidden  
  
"Mac I'll walk you to your car" Harm says desperately confused and says his goodnights and rushes to   
catch up with her.  
  
As soon as they have cleared the crowds eye shot Harm anxiously ask "What do  
you mean Early flight? Mac you just got back."  
  
Mac looking anywhere but directly at him answers "I am going back to  
Indonesia, there is something that I have to do"  
  
"But Mac, you were almost killed, you cant go back" Harm pleads  
  
"I can and I will Harm" Mac retorts  
  
"Why are running Mac? What have I done?" Harms voice angry, sad, and  
confused  
  
"Its more like what haven't you done and what you never will. I am tired of standing still and watching   
everyone else move on" and with that she slams the door to her vet and leaves him standing there in   
the night alone with his questions  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
1 wk. later JAG Headquarters 1000  
  
Adm. Chegwidden walks into the bullpen "Can I have everyone's attention  
please. I have just been informed that this office will be participating in  
a 10 mile run for charity this Saturday. Details will be on the bulletin  
board. See you all there." and with that he turns and goes back into his  
office. Leaving the officers to let out there moan of "excitement".  
  
Harm takes this opportunity to talk with Mac, so he knocks on her door and  
flashes her his all too sexy grin and asks "So are you up to it Marine?"  
  
Mac looks at him and can't help but to laugh a little at his cockiness "I  
could do it with my eyes closed."  
  
He notices that she is in a good mood so he pushes it a little bit more, he  
walks in and closes her door as he ask her would you care to make a wager on  
that Mac?"  
  
She looks at him puzzled "What are you talking about? What kind of wager?"  
  
I have got her now he thinks to himself "I bet you that I can finish the  
race before you, and if I do you have to talk to me really talk to me."  
  
Mac's eyes narrow "And if I win?"  
  
"If you win I will back off and leave you alone" he states proud of himself  
for thinking up such a plain  
  
"I don't know..." Mac says a little weary  
  
"How about this I will give you a 2 min. head start" Harm replies  
  
Mac:"4"  
  
Harm: "2.5"  
  
Mac "3.5"  
  
Harm "3"  
  
Mac "3"  
  
They shake hands and exchange challenging looks and then Harm is up and out  
the door.  
  
As the days pass Harm finds himself thinking more and more about just what  
it is that he is going to say to her and realizes that he has no idea. He  
is at a loss. In the court room he can spin a fine web but now no matter  
how hard he tries all he is left with are these feelings that he has and he  
is just starting to understand the depth that they go so how can he put that  
into words without her thinking he is nuts. He just keeps thinking, I can't  
scare her away, I cant unload all of this on her at once, she's not ready  
for that..  
----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
The day of the race  
  
Harm: "So you've made it. I was beginning to think that you were going to  
chicken out"  
  
Mac: "Marines don't back down from a challenge, not that this is going to be  
much of one."  
  
Harm: "I should have known"  
  
Runners ready. Go!  
  
Harm waits out his 3 minutes like he said he would then bolt after her. He  
knows that he can't just leave her alone, he has to catch her so he can tell  
her everything, make her understand. They can't keep going on like they are  
now, all of the tension and distance between them, No he had to change it  
and that is just what he intended to do. He kept thinking about their dance  
the other night, which only made his heart pound harder in his chest. He  
runs for a long time before he can see her in the crowd a head of him. He  
tries to catch her but the race has entered into its last mile and his  
energy is almost mated but he keeps going and with each footstep he gets one  
step closer to her, oh no the finish line he gives it everything that he has  
and their feet cross the line at exactly the same time. Out of breath they  
clear the way to make room for the other Runners.  
  
Both of them panting heavily Harm manages to get out an "I won"  
  
Mac shoots him a look, then between breathes says "No you didn't it was a  
tie, the deals off"  
  
Harm: "Close enough"  
  
Mac: "Close only counts in horseshoes and grenades"  
  
Harm :" Come on Mac, I gave you a three minute head start."  
  
Mac:" If you couldn't do it, you shouldn't have made the bet"  
  
Harm:"What are you so afraid of Mac?!"  
  
Mac:"Nothing!"  
  
Their breath now starting to come back to them and their voices starting to  
carry a bit.  
  
Harm:"Yes you are! Stop running from me Mac! Let me in, let me help."  
  
Mac: "I don't need your Help Harm."  
  
Harm: "Well I need you Sarah. Stop pushing me away"  
  
Mac's breath stops all together now, what was he saying, . She turns and faces him   
"I needed you one time to and you pushed me away, and now I need to move on, innuendo's and   
half confessions just aren't enough to make this situation better they only make it   
worse and its killing me. We will never be more than this I can see that now.  
I am sorry. Go home to Renee Harm. Just go home" she can feel  
these words cut her like a knife but she cant make it easy on him she turns  
away from him before he can see her tears, before she is force to look at  
the pain in his eyes that she has just caused.  
  
Harm feeling like a knife had just been plunged into his gut found it hard  
to catch a breath to say the only thing that he could say "I broke up with  
Renee 2 weeks ago Mac" his voice so sad  
  
Mac stops but doesn't turn around just yet  
  
Harm continues "I broke up with her because I am in love with you Sarah"  
  
Mac turns around now tears flowing down from her eyes. She looks up at him.  
She can see the tears that he is trying desperately to contain, all the  
emotion in his eyes, he is like a little innocent child pleading for  
something, Mac looks up at him "Go on"  
  
"I have loved you for so long that I don't know when exactly it started but  
I cant remember it not being there. I have memorized everything about you.I  
know the way you walk, the way you smell, the way you slide your hair back behind your  
ear when you are stressed, I know how you dive into work when something is  
bothering you, I know how you feel in my arms when we dance, I know how  
when you look at me the way you do sometimes, and I cant breath. All I want  
to do is love you Sara. After my accident all I could think about was you.  
I had this burning deep down inside and all I could think, all I could feel,  
was that I had to let it out and let you in. When you told me that Mic left, and I could  
see that you were in pain, but I felt like it was my opportunity to let you in and then   
everything just got so mixed up, and then you were so angry with me. Then when you   
were in Indonesia and I thought that you were..." that memory being too much to bare the   
tears well up in his eyes again. I can see why you turned away from me, I don't blame you, but please  
don't turn away forever Sarah. I have so much that I can give you." and he  
stands there staring at her waiting for some sort of response. But their is  
none, she just stares at him, so he turns to walk away in defeat.  
  
Almost instantly he can feel his heart break and anger and deep hurt starts to build   
inside of him, and he thinks, how can she just stand there and not say anything, after   
all they have been through, all she has put me through over facing this, and now she was   
just going to stand there, no she's not getting off that easy. She made me face it the hard way,   
I am not just walking away, she is not going to push me out! So he turns around, eyes set straight on  
her, and storms forward, he gets all the way up to her, his teeth clinches,  
then when he is close enough to feel her breath on his chest he stops and  
pulls it up to him, his lips come crashing down on hers with a deep, passionate, kiss. He has   
hungered for this, there is no holding back, he pushes his entire body down into hers and moves his hands  
from her face to her body and pull her into him. He run one hand up her  
back and the other hand grips the side of her small head. It took him a  
while to realize that she was kissing him back, her tongue was searching  
desperately, her body was pushing into his, her hands were searching,  
griping , rubbing. She had all the desire that he did.  
  
Just then they hear a clapping noise coming from all around them and they  
slowly stop and remember where they were. I bit embarrassed they step back, Harm  
keeping an arm around her waist, not willing to let her go,  
and look around to see all there friends smiling faces, both of them stop  
when their eyes meek Adm. Chegwidden's. The Adm. only smiles and says "Its  
about time Commander. I was beginning t think that you didn't have it in  
ya."  
  
Harm replies with a nervous smile and nod of his head.  
  
Harm then turns back to Mac and leans his forehead against hers and whispers "I love you Sarah Katharine Mackenzie"  
  
"I love you to Harmon Rabb Jr., but I was ready to give up on you" Mac replies  
  
"I thought Marines never gave up" Harm jest  
  
"No they don't, and I can see why" she stated sweetly  
  
  
  
  
The end. 


End file.
